Just sit at His feet. These words have echoed through my mind a lot recently.
The past couple of days have felt like a whirlwind. On Monday, I interviewed for a teaching job in my ideal grade level. I was so nervous leading up to it but felt so much peace during the interview. I came out satisfied with the way I answered each question and felt good. I also felt so much fear. What if I actually did get this job? I would be in charge of setting up my whole classroom and preparing instruction for the first couple of weeks in less than a week and a half. I think it terrified me more to think about the what-if-this-actually-happens scenario than to think about the interview. I had come to find peace in substituting this year. The thought of doing something increasingly more difficult like have my own classroom kind of freaked me out. I sure didn’t want to take the “easy” way out (because let’s be real, substituting is not easy) but worry clouded my thoughts.
I kept hearing God say, “Sit at my feet.”
I didn’t know what that meant for me until after my interview when I got a call from another principal saying that I was recommended for a long-term substitute position she had open. My first thought was, “Oh I didn’t get the other job,” but to be honest, I felt some relief. That afternoon, God was in the middle of working in my life in a huge way. I still had no idea what He was going to do but kept hearing, “Sit at my feet.” The feet of Jesus is such an overwhelm and sweet place to be. There is so much peace, joy, and trust. I cried because even in the moment of my uncertainty, God was working in a way only He could. I felt trust that God would work things out for my good and His glory. I felt so loved and so much peace.
Thinking back over this past year, one of the hardest of my life, I can see God’s hand working. In the moments that I felt so alone, confused, and overwhelmed by my pain, He was beside me. In the moments where all I could do was weep and cry out to God, He held me. In the moments of confusion and doubt, He still called me His and never once let go. Even just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes because I see now how God can use suffering to work in our lives. When I was walking through this past year, I told myself over and over that God would use it for His glory, but it was so hard to believe this deep in my heart. A renewed sense of God’s presence settled in my soul.
But back to the story.
God was still working in this job situation. The very next day, I had another interview that didn’t go as I had planned. I left feeling unsure. Thirty minutes later, I was on my way to see the school where I could potentially be long-term subbing for. I loved it. The principal and staff were super nice and it just felt right, however I could not commit because I wanted to hear back to be sure that I didn’t not get the other full-time job. The next 24 hours, I found myself kind of a nervous wreck, not wanting to get my hopes up but also kind of just wanting to commit to the sub position. I kept feeling like God was saying over and over, “Just sit at my feet.” So I did. I’ve never been good with decision making, mostly because I’m afraid that I’ll choose wrong.
On Wednesday, it came to the point where I had not heard back from one school about their full-time position but the other school wanted to know if I was in to long-term sub. I realized that no matter what I chose, it would be okay. I felt peace knowing that God was working and moving in this sub position. He knows my heart so well! I was feeling so overwhelmed by the possibility of having to start my own classroom in two weeks but also wanted stability in where I was teaching. I wasn’t feeling peace in either substituting full-time or having my own classroom for the whole year. This long-term sub position honestly felt like the best place for me to be (not to mention the best of both worlds) and I’m super excited to get to teach some awesome 6th graders for part of the year!
The emotional rollercoaster that I’ve been on since last Wednesday has been crazy. I’ve felt excitement, nervousness, relief, joy, peace, and every emotion in between. I also think that I was trying to please the different people in my life. There came a point where I just needed to choose and be excited for the outcome. I’ve always been under the impression that God has everything planned out for us, which in a way, He does. He knows everything that we will do before we do it but also gives us the freedom to make our own choices. I’m so grateful for that because I often feel pressure to pick the “right” choice. If I am surrendered to God’s will, I can be confident in what I choose, knowing that God has given me to opportunity to do so.
Today, I encourage you to take a break and just sit at the feet of Jesus. There really is no better place to be!